you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
