Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
