Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's shark week go big or go home
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
