i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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