If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
