They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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