Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
