you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
