So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
