im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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