Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
