put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
