just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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