Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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