well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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