Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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