Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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