Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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