i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
