woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
