Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
