yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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