I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
