Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
