I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Green mimosas i think yes
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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