im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
