we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Boobs speak an international language.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
