I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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