Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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