He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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