I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
