ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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