i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
