We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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