Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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