I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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