How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
