you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
