i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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