dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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