Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
