Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am midnight drunk by noon
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
