I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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