you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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