i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize