let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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