Apparently you make a good broom.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
