I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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