google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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