Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
