it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
