My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
