I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
