I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
