His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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