I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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