I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
