I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
