Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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